i apologise if i have misused this word in the past, but please let me be clear, this is not suffering.
don't get me wrong, within these walls, within the context of training i have experienced the deepest and sharpest physical pains of my life. i have experienced emotional pain. self-hatred. anger. depression. defeat.
but that is not the same.
what i, what we feel, it is the bite of sandpaper.
the cut of a file.
the sharp gouge of a chisel.
it is empowerment. it is the creative process. it is the removal of that which we have deemed unnecessary. the shaping, the becoming. the self imposed change of what we have been given into what we will ourselves to become.
too many times i have been asked why. why i train so hard*, why i work so much, why i don't relax more, why i don't go out and "have fun"
simply: i wish to become more than i am.
not only wish, but will. but work.
i am willing to pay the price.
i am willing to use my emotions, all of my emotions, to propel me further, to come closer to that goal.
the gym is a beautiful thing. it is a place where - through will, attention, knowledge and hard work - we progress. the iron does not care who you know. it does not care what your plans are or how you fucking feel today. it does its job, and we do ours. it is a counterweight to our action. something to struggle against. it is a grindstone on which to sharpen our very selves.
i read somewhere that we can be no more or less than what we are.
i believe we can be no more then we chose to become.
what do you chose?
that choosing is what interests me most. that understanding that the battle is won or lost most often before the task has even begun.
this is not suffering.
this is empowerment.
*which in the grand scheme is not very hard at all.