there was a discussion going around in SLC when i was there, there had been some recent gym testing to see how peoples suspected outcome influenced their actual performance. about goal setting, focus, and unintended consequences.
i wish i had paid more attention.
i can be a slow learner. i like to chew things over. dissect them. work them alone. i like to look from many angles. to manipulate and mull. to explore and validate for myself.
this takes time.
this takes focus.
focus in one place may equal blindness in another.
back in salt lake, i had my information, had my plan, but when it mattered, failed to step back and re-assess when the opportunity arose. i let old demons and that nagging little voice talk me out of an opportunity to learn. i was handed a rope and didn't even bother to hang myself with it. just turned it down because it didn't fit into my plan. i did not adapt soon enough. couldn't switch gears. couldn't get my head out of my ass and see what was around me. i had my plan...
flexibility. if you don't use it, you will lose it.
its time to learn lessons and move on, for "should have" is about as useful as "used to be". its over. learn. grow. and fucking move on.
to make a new mistake tomorrow.
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