the cost of doing business...

everything costs something. everybody pays.


sometimes we come across an opportunity that is to good to pass up. we have to dig a hole, to burn it at both ends. to give up what we want now to make tomorrow, or next month, or next year into something better.

since may i have been busy. building and burning in a way i have never before imagined. stress levels were through the roof. i watched my waking heart rate creep up two beats per minute each day until i stopped measuring.  most of my own training went to the back burner, i only slept 5 hours a night,  my recovery ability went into the toilet.

it hurts now. more than i remember. getting back. pushing into that space, kicking until something breaks...

this is the price i have paid, back sliding... strength and power stuck, even went up a bit, but endurance and recovery are a little more slippery. i have slept. i have recovered. and now its time to dig. to grind. to rebuild.

airdyne to the 5th circle of hell. i chose this as part of my first week back mostly as punishment. something hard and ugly, but there are answers here in this grid... and more importantly - more questions.

difficult...

church.

it is occasionally a beautiful thing to be this wrong...

weighted bear crawls @ 2x35# dumbells. 800m.

it was supposed to be a mile.

within 20 feet i realized my mistake, realized that i had underestimated the work - overestimated my ability...

these are the moments i seek. moments when things get a little ugly. when you have to eat your words. when the dark voices have the weight and timber of another person, an attitude and a persuasiveness that must be fought with wits and will.

the first lap took 30 minutes. the second - 34. large angry blisters had formed, i was afraid to look - afraid it might be bad enough to make me quit. not "make" me quit. i knew it was hurt, not injury. that it wasnt going to be much worse if i finished. that the damage was done... no, i was afraid of an excuse to quit.

but now that its over, i need to review. what was the use of such a workout? my body is no where near as sore as those angry red holes in my hands... yes, the work was hard - but was it worth it?

for the first few years of someones training, everything works. in the beginning training is most often used as a tool for behavior modification - harder and harder workouts build confidence, increase tolerance and continually redefine words like "tired", "heavy" and "hard"... eventually though, hard is no longer enough. working harder often looks like progress  - but eventually you must ask if you are working hard in the right direction....

be critical. i would not repeat this workout. i would not prescribe it. i am going to do it with bodyweight for 1/4 mile. that should be more strain on my body, less tearing on my hands, and likely the same time frame (maybe a little shorter) . while i do not have a specific fitness goal, i do not want to fall into the trap of "hard for hards sake". difficulty can serve as a distraction from progress. sometimes we work hard to hide from questions we are afraid to answer.  we sometimes work hard to avoid progress - to avoid changing...

harder workouts are different right? i am getting better right?  it cant be a plateau, i don't need a change....

meaningful training.  intelligent training.

work hard. question everything.

is it worth the cost?

is it making me better?

if not, fucking change it.

in the end, there are questions to be answered. am i closer to my goal, or further away? was this useful? was this worth it? what now?

Utility.

the truth is, it all boils down to utility.

to usefulness.

beyond true and false, there is the usefulness of an idea.

there are many examples, extreme and mundane, about the belief of something being useful. being a means to an end. it simply takes some understanding, some acceptance of the effect our beliefs have on our actions, and the willful shaping of those processes.

if you believe everything happens for a reason, you will find reason in every happening.

if you believe that you are always being observed, being judged, you will only make decisions you are proud of.

debating the truth of certain things is pointless, they are beliefs. as far as we are concerned, in this context, they are important only in their expression. in their usefulness.

usefulness is the reason that your coach may be lying to you. so many pieces of information are only half truths - are training wheels. they exist to help you along far enough to understand the next part.  they exist to get you moving, to get you feeling and thinking. they are rules that saved us all like "never cross the street" and "look up while you deadlift " they are not true. but they are helpful.

i often get stuck asking questions, digging and trying to understand details. this has served me well in the past, and continues to do so today. but at some point i need a gut check. i need to ask myself if more information is going to help. i can get so caught up in the chase from A to B to C that when i am busy figuring out the tricky transition from D to E i could be actually working on A. long term goals are important, but too much focus can be immobilizing.

it is important to understand why something works, but not at the expense of actually making it work.

anything can be taken too far.

it is why i see training as a craft. as a skill more than a science.

it is about usefulness. it is about timing. it is about "right action"

whatever that may be.

sharing photos of my dinner on instagram makes me eat better. i think it is a waste of my time and ridiculous  and, more importantly, that it works. so until i cook like this for myself as a default action, i will continue to use whatever tools are at my disposal until i am able to outgrow them.

crutches are useful. the danger lies in getting comfortable using them.

the iron price

there is something profound about hard work.

about long, difficult work.

about ruthless honesty.

there are many possible reasons why you didn't get a PR, why you didn't lift a certain weight or missed a split time on a row. but whatever the reason, you still missed it.

things have honestly gotten so easy in out polite society that people seek out controlled discomfort. seek failure and frustration and those moments where there are consequences to actions.

we seek things, feelings that can not be purchased in the usual sense. we seek experience that is not bought, but earned. experience paid for not with cash or credit but blood and bone. 

hard work is a wonderful teacher. it is humbling. it is honest. it is terrifying in the best way.

hard work pushes us to ask uncomfortable questions. to weigh pros and cons. to understand the worth of a thing. to understand how far we as individuals are willing to go.

in the last few weeks i have redefined my relationship with the word tired. there has been hard, long work done. but the work has been paying off. the new space is moving, it is breathing, and seems to have a will of its own...

there will be some changes to the blog soon, more information. more notes, logs, and more frequent updates.

but, for now - there is work to be done.

we have been playing with longer efforts lately. 60 minute max efforts, SMMF, work capacity tests... this one started as a birthday celebration, but has interesting implications. the "interpretable" nature of the movements, the inevitable downward spiral when the work starts taking its toll, taking its time, eating up your rest... it will be making its rounds in the next few weeks.

fear and fortune.

- fear is healthy because it shows us where we have yet to go.

today was closing day. evolution day. a new space and a long term plan. time to move. to work. to hustle harder.

and tomorrow?

tomorrow i will find a new fear. a new mountain. a new and brighter way to fail. i am fortunate enough to be able to spend the last two weeks of april training at GYM JONES, and i am confident in the ability of Rob MacDonald to ensure i fail in ways i can not even imagine.

and i am confident i will be better for it.

before...

400sqft office

2000sqft of training space

looking back.

it was probably 6 years ago this month that i saw this video. it made me dig and ask questions. it started me down a path i would have never expected. next week i close a deal on a building i have been eyeing for years. i used to think that if i won the lottery one day i would buy it, run my gym out of it and make art in my spare time. i didn't win the lottery - but because of the people around me i found the strength and the schemes to make it work. to everyone who made this possible, i will do everything i can to be worthy of your sacrifices and your faith.

-burkey

ask the right questions...

Einstein suggested that we make things as simple as possible and no simpler. the right questions can simplify things. change them - or, more accurately, change us and allow us to see the answers that are directly in front of us. people often ask me what i learned at GYM JONES, other trainers are more specific and ask me what workouts i did, if they send me a "workout of the day". i was lucky. i found a group of talented individuals who helped shape my relationship with training from the beginning. i learned early to ask why and how and not just what should i do now. i also began to learn what to do with that information...

this is a short list of questions - it is hardly complete, but answered honestly these questions can help arrange a framework, a scaffolding to build your training around. these questions should bring up more questions, they should start a process, give you hints of where to look, where to push and where to rest. just remember that you are never going to find your way to your destination if you can't be honest about where you are...

first, we define fitness as "the ability to perform a task" the task you chose will outline the attributes necessary to achieve your goals, the first step is to define the task, the test...

how will you test (and in doing so, define) your fitness?

how long before you undergo this "test"?

how many hours per week (total) do you plan on dedicating to training?

what small tests do you have arranged as "error corrections" on your way to the main test?

- gut check - is this time-table honest and reasonable?

what is the duration of this test? will fueling/hydration be a factor? will boredom? will weather?

how often during this test do you expect to reach a max or near max heart rate? for what duration? what condition will you be in going into a max heart rate situation - a late attack during a bike race? a standing start off the blocks?

will you have an opportunity for intermittent recovery during your test? if so, under what conditions? (standing? sitting? walking? hanging from a good hand-hold? pinned under an opponent or against a cage?)

what factor does specific technical skill play in the final outcome?

in previous tests, has a lack physical strength ever been a deterrent to your performance? has fatigue (physical or emotional) or endurance/stamina? be specific.

during training, has lack of physical strength or endurance ever been a deterrent to learning a lesson or performing a task? at what point during training (at what level of fatigue) does your technical skill begin to deteriorate and to what extent? at what point does fatigue prevent you from tying a secure knot? making a catch? locking in a hold? defending a take-down against a lesser opponent?

has your weight/size ever been a deterrent? too heavy or too light?

has explosive power ever been a factor in your performance? quickness? the ability to "change gears" - going from a stand-still to a sprint? changing positions?

in training or during previous tests - where have you failed? what excuses distract you from training? from recovering? from eating properly? what triggers you into self-sabotage? how often must you test yourself to avoid complacency?

why are you eating the way you do? for what objective? does your diet reflect your stated goals?

what plans do you have to cope with these pitfalls? to avoid them, recover from them, or at least mitigate their effects?

what are the effects of your mental and/or emotional state or your training? on your tests? what triggers change that state? (risk? competition? failure? success?)

what sort of return on investment can you expect from each corrective effort? do any corrections contain a natural order or progression? which corrections will lay groundwork for other corrective efforts?

this list could go on, but do not mistake answering questions for progress - or asking them for that matter. that has been a pitfall of mine. the flashing lights of data points and interesting questions can be just as paralyzing as not enough information if you are not careful. the important thing is to learn from what is in front of you. to ask questions and find answers. to test theories. to try and fail and try again. the goal is to learn. to grow. and to improve.

re-evaluate often.

give things the time and attention they deserve.

do not give up what you really want for what you want right now.

look at trends, not snapshots.

be willing to take a step back to make a leap forward.

do not waste today fighting yesterdays battle. that which got you from point a to point b may not be able to get you from point b to point c. it may, in fact, be blocking your path.

pay attention. ask questions. don't quit.

add to that - find someone smarter than you. better than you. as many as you can, and learn from them.

(on that note: mark & lisa twight, rob macdonald, michael blevins, james gardner, johnny carlquist, john frieh, john spezzano, rob fusco, jenny raff, matt owen, ryan mcCliment, bill mcconnell, fred bigliardi, josh harth, jonathan yankee, candace and frankie puopolo, rachel nievelt, to everyone who makes the station what it is ... thank you for making me try harder every day.)

things have their place. ju-jitsu is a technical sport. there are, however, gym movements that can set the groundwork for better technique. we can handle the "dumb" stuff here so you can spend your mat time focused solely on practicing technique and not wishing you knew how to push through your hips or that you had a stronger grip.

sometimes you have to court failure. to experience a little fear. it keeps you hungry and it keeps you humble.

it is never too late to start.