we are weapons. we have many sides.

the allegory of "training" is astounding.

the Sufi's created "study groups", groups of individuals assembled for a
purpose, and with the big picture in mind. individuals with traits necessary
to the group. individuals chosen, assigned, to bring an element to the
group. to create a space and momentum in a direction. to correct imbalances.
to encourage certain behavior, and at times to serve as examples (in either
direction).

there are also many stories of disciples being assigned work. weaving,
tin-smithing, enameling, etc. these physical tasks were never openly linked
to their spiritual teachings, but were used as allegorical tools. to help
prepare the student for the next part of the teaching. to show real world
consequences. to show, say, how bringing certain traits to the front and others
behind at specific and critical points, when viewed from close seems erratic
and nonsensical, but viewed from afar will create the images woven into a
tapestry.

carving is the removal of what is unnecessary to expose the artists will.
one learns about stages of reduction, working within constraints, and
adaptation to unexpected irregularities of material. there are many tools,
and they function differently in different mediums...

tin-smithing - as we shape a relatively soft metal, bend it to our will, it
hardens. if we go too fast, it will crack. it must be tempered, softened
with heat and time before it can be moved farther. artistry brings the
proper shape and hardness together at the appropriate time.

at each moment we are making choices. weighing options. these choices all
have consequences. long term and short. not recognizing an action as a
willful choice, or dismissing an obviously harmful option as no option at
all only robs us of the responsibility. of that choice. of owning up to it,
and hopefully learning something.

by accepting the weight of our conditioning. by recognizing that all the
little choices we make -like the threads of the weaver- will eventually make
a picture, we are - hopefully - taking some measure of control, acting
mindfully. acting with purpose.

the gym is adaptation to stressors.

the gym is an expression of discipline.

the gym is mindfulness of our selves.

the gym is our relationship to our surroundings.

strength, endurance, flexibility, speed, capacity, durability,
conditioning....

the gym is where all of these words can be measured, at least in some small
part of their definition.

these traits are addressed throughout the scope of their definition. while I
am not trying to equate gym training, the relatively mild discomfort we put
ourselves through, to the deepest ends of those terms, I believe - if we let
it - it can send a ripple that way.

better men than i have said: the gym is only preparation for the real thing. it is a
step on a path. a station. a crucible. a method of converting raw materials
into a tool to complete a task. the best tools may give us an advantage, but
only if we put in the time and effort to use them.

a hammer doesn't build a house.

perhaps more accuratley, a hammer is not a house...

time is finite. and most of us got a late start. layering these lessons is
the only way I see to absorb them enough to allow them to be
expressed in our personality.

constant awareness. objective tests. (healthy) community support.
mentorship.

these encourage our efficiency. these drive us. force our expectations
beyond....

I feel that is the function of a training center. with the time we spend, we
might as well work these lessons on as many levels as we can...


learning....

-the station

hindsight.

there was a discussion going around in SLC when i was there, there had been some recent gym testing to see how peoples suspected outcome influenced their actual performance. about goal setting, focus, and unintended consequences.

i wish i had paid more attention.

i can be a slow learner. i like to chew things over. dissect them. work them alone. i like to look from many angles. to manipulate and mull. to explore and validate for myself.

this takes time.

this takes focus.

focus in one place may equal blindness in another.

back in salt lake, i had my information, had my plan, but when it mattered, failed to step back and re-assess when the opportunity arose. i let old demons and that nagging little voice talk me out of an opportunity to learn. i was handed a rope and didn't even bother to hang myself with it. just turned it down because it didn't fit into my plan. i did not adapt soon enough. couldn't switch gears. couldn't get my head out of my ass and see what was around me. i had my plan...

flexibility. if you don't use it, you will lose it.

its time to learn lessons and move on, for "should have" is about as useful as "used to be". its over. learn. grow. and fucking move on.

to make a new mistake tomorrow.

Attention

back in SLC, the GYM JONES level 2 seminar.

interesting points were brought up, technical skill, programming, but mostly the sense of involvement. of investment. the amount of time and care that the trainers put into their athletes. of all the differences between this place and countless other gyms, boxes or warehouses, this one seems to be the crux. quality over quantity. coaching in the true sense. management. physical. psychological. few people actually train between those walls because the emmotional content of their training. the true cost, if you will. coaches loosing sleep over their athletes responses to the stresses of training, of competition, of their job and kids and boss. this is impractical for the traditional gym business model. this level of commitment continues to surprise me, continues to inspire me. to work harder. to work smarter. to plan better. i have a little more time here, to scratch and to dig. to find, if not answers, than guideposts. to see how it is done, and to make it my own.

to pay attention.

Asking the right questions.

This is the crux of many problems. The need. The solution.

Why?

The depth of that word is limited only by our imagination. Not only why this and not that, but why ask the question? Why frame it with those words? What are we truly looking for?

I remember learning to hunt, learning about camouflage and stalking. The question then: what am I hiding from, and why? To what end?

Idries Shah poses an interesting point: are you asking a question because you want information or because you want entertainment? Want attention from your teacher?

Are you looking for truth or permission?

Are you looking for hope or facts?

Are you trying to change or stay the same?

And are you willing to pay the price? To put in the effort? Because if you want it, want anything, then the path begins to form. The road. We must ask these questions first. To know where we start. To know where we are going. Without that knowledge, with out truly exploring those questions we can never hope to navigate this mess. We must be honest. Lies will simply subvert our goals. We would never lie when asking for directions, and sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken. Truth can be hard. Deal with it. Or don't bother asking the question.

I am sitting on a plane, waiting. Thinking. Searching for the right question.

Unfinished Business.

it has been just over 3 years since i first started training in earnest, since i first visited the GYM JONES facility in SLC, utah. since i first saw in action what i had hardly even imagined possible. in those years there have been many workouts, many internal dialogues. i worked through many of the "standard" and foundation workouts, and while some were modified, i never quit. well, almost never. it was almost exactly 3 years ago when i took a 45# bar to the local track and gave it a shot. 4x OH walking lunges + 4x Push presses. 1 lap. not too bad right?

right...

i went maybe 50 yards, turned around, did maybe 40 and made a b line back to my truck, tail tucked and hands frozen.

i head out to salt lake city in 7 days, my 3rd time and am eager to learn, but i had some unfinished business to take care of.

i wasn't going to quit this time.

there was a minute where i actually thought it wasnt going to be so bad... and the first 50 m was alright, but, when the best you can say about the first 1/8 of a workout is that it is "alright" you are probably in for a long haul.

39:53. minor frostbite in my fingertips, and a touch of redemption.

and now, back to work.

Physical culture and body image

working out... how narcissistic.

i work in a gym, i know. i see the "shirts" these guys wear, watch them wink at themselves in the mirror. the ego grows even faster than their muscles. hypertrophy. get big. get ripped. vascularization. six pack....

or for the ladies, making sure not to sweat too much. dont want makeup to run. trying to loose weight, but from the right places. not big, not strong, just "toned".

sterile.

i have been having an interesting e-mail conversation about challenge, exercise and body image... i think most people these days have body issues, and have developed their way to cope... some shirk challenge, choose to accept their bodies as they are. some fight, seek to exert control. diet, exercise, the right clothes.... it can get pretty messy.

i believe training for a purpose is a way to simplify the issue. to value function over form. to craft your body as you would a tool. to make it efficient. to willingly sacrifice certain traits to excel at others. to ignore what mass media has to say about appearance - what the fuck do they know anyway? to accept that time is finite, and we need to put our efforts where they will do the most good. I had severe body image issues in middle/high school, I believe there is a lot of power in physical culture, in watching the cumulative effect of will. not just physical changes, but mental ones. and as for physical changes, becoming connected with your body. being able to identify with each nerve ending, each muscle because you know how far you can push it and what it will cost in return. I feel you develop a deep enough relationship with your flesh and sinew and bone that no corporation or individual can shake it. I met a woman who was a fighter, her legs had purpose. I met an ultra-marathoner - her legs, hell her frame had an entirely different purpose. I guess when you have a goal like that, beauty images loose most of their power. there is a price to be paid and if you want to be a great climber, a great runner or a great biker it will take tremendous will, work and stress. and like age, these will shape your flesh. we become what we do. does it matter more to be "pretty" or to accomplish your goal? because they may be mutually exclusive. it is a choice, and in honoring that fact, consciously forgoing one to embrace the other it (I believe) dispels most of the fear and doubt. it becomes simple, and even a little easy.

i saw a woman at the airport in NYC this weekend, from 50 feet away i knew she was a fighter. she had cauliflower ear, a neck as thick as mine and you could see the definition in her legs through her jeans.she was an embodiment of countless hours of hard work and tough decisions. she was beautiful. she was crafted for a purpose through efforts of her own. function, in and of itself, is beautiful.

not to say athletes lack body issues, they are just easily put in check.

let reality be the judge, everything else is just noise.

Something has to give...

its easy to talk. to give advice. to weigh in on risk and consequences when you will foot neither bill.

a few weeks ago i was talking to a good friend, weighing options, thinking aloud when she asked me - what would your advice be if someone else was saying this to you?

what would you say?

a decision was made right there.

i quit.

i believe it is healthy to work in different disciplines. to apply lessons and experience and truly feel how "all training is complimentary" but there is an addition to that statement... "to a point."

for the last couple years my time has been divided, i am a chef, a personal trainer, and a craftsman. i am fairly competent at all three, but not exceptional. there has been growth and lessons from one apply nicely to the others, but in recent months i have hit a wall. i have found the current limit of my attention and energy. things are stagnating, and something has to give.

after eight years, i left the chef job. my last steady paycheck. leaving the safety net. adding pressure. focus. giving things the time they need. the attention they deserve. its time to make it work. to pass or fail on my own energies. until the next evolution.

-b
owner operator
station515
four.chamber.forge

Growth can be painful.

it takes commitment,

not holding back,

and a willingness to stand alone.

contemplate.

execute.